My Least Favorite Pedestrian

This person technically isn't a pedestrian, as you encounter them in mass transit, usually on a bus or train. I'll call this person Pat, because both males and females do this. Usually you encounter Pat when you are forced to stand up on a crowded train with little room to spare. As the train approaches your stop, you gather your things and prepare to "excuse me" your way to the door. But Pat is not willing to wait for the train to stop. Pat stands up behind you and loudly asks "Excuse me!". You have three options here: 1) get out of Pat's way, 2) tell Pat you're also getting off here, or 3) do nothing. I refuse to do #1 because Pat is no more important than me (if Pat was really important, he'd have his own car and driver). Option 3 is the most satisfying, but you might get Pat really angry. So option 2 is usually best.

But what about when you're standing right next to the door and you've told Pat you're getting off, but he still tries to wedge in front of you? What the crap, man? This used to happen to me all the time on the subway, and it's happening again now that I'm taking the bus twice a week (commuter rail travellers are much kinder). I just think it's funny that some people are in so much of a rush to get off the bus that they're willing to push other people out of the way.

I don't really have a point to this post. I just hope you're reading this, Pat, and that you chill out!

Pedestrian Traffic

We have laws and rules for automobile traffic. Lane markings, traffic lights, stop signs, all sorts of good stuff. But what about foot traffic? We have no rules. It's every man for himself. A jungle, if you will.

We seem to abide by some soft rules for walking. Generally we try to stay to the right in two-way travel. Often when merging we'll take turns entering. But some people just want to take advantage of the lawlessness of the pedestrian frontier. Here are a few habits that annoy me the most.

• Standing by the door that will open on the subway, planning to get out, the guy behind me says "excuse me" three or four times trying to get past me, not thinking that I might be getting off too. This often happens when approaching major hubs.
• Walking into a crosswalk without looking. What the hell is wrong with you? I couldn't care less about your life, but if the driver swerves and hits me, I'm gonna be so pissed.
• Walking to the front of a queue or merge and butting in. Hey buddy, you're not more important than the rest of us. I'd wager you're less important.
• Suddenly stopping in the middle of a walkway. Don't look angrily at me when I bump into you; it's your own damn fault.

Next time I'll look at some rules we can all abide by.